smile like you mean it

still one of my favourite places in the world.

it's nice how it still hasn't changed much. there's always been a sense of comfort and peace here.


i sit in my usual chair, elbows propped up on the smooth, cool surface of the marble table. looking at all the familiar things around me, it's incredibly bittersweet. i stare at the white table top, bare of the food that would have been there otherwise. stare until the white blinds me and burns into my brain. i take a deep breath and close my eyes.

i remember all the times i've sat in this exact spot and watched you bustle about in the kitchen. humming along to the radio while you cook. and always asking about me, always laughing, always smiling; you'd pull out a chair and sit down across me.

for that's how i choose to remember you; not the fragile old woman in the hospital bed, but the ever joyful, loving person you are. were.

i smile; knowing that you're happy again. like waves, emotion floods my heart and overflows it. and for a moment, i allow my tears to fall freely. warm, glassy beads of my soul splash down my cheeks.

with the wind chimes tinkling softly in the background, it's easy to believe that you're watching over me. i hope you're smiling.

when i open my eyes, the chair across me is empty. the cantonese songs fade. and the dust motes dance gently in the evening sunlight.



it's been 3 months today. i still think about you everyday, find myself talking about you in the present tense, and feel a soft tug in my heart whenever i see someone with their grandmother. "amazing grace" never fails to stop me in my tracks and make my heart ache.

3 months, and i'm finally learning to let go. to be happy for you, and smile through my tears.

i still wish desperately that i could have been a better granddaughter. and that i could have had one more chance. but nevertheless, i'm happy. and grateful.

when we've been there ten thousand years,
bright shining as the sun.
we've no less days to sing God's praise,
than when we'd first begun.

look at me, grandma. i'm smiling. :)

have a little faith;

f a i t h

'now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen.'

i think faith is one of the most beautiful things in the world. it's extremely fragile, yet at the same time, it can be so strong.

it's essentially believing without seeing; without the need for any physical evidence. total, absolute trust. no conditions.

that's what makes it so beautiful. the utter belief in someone or something that will propel you to do things, to go to the ends of the earth, to keep trusting.

no, faith is not stupidity. nor is it denial. it's simply knowing something, and believing in it with all your heart.


i have faith. in the fact that we'll be okay.

everyone worries, and expects me to be worried and afraid and paranoid. and when i tell them that 'no, i'm not worried at all', they look at me like there's something wrong with me. then they proceed to tell me that long distance is an ass, and continue to state the obvious facts of how i'll be in australia and busy and meeting new people, he'll be here... blahblahblah...

stop. i know. and it doesn't matter. i have faith. and i've made up my mind.


no, i'm not crazy. i just love my boyfriend. very much. :)


even tho' he's damn gross. :D please remind me to tell you his latest shitty adventure. you'll just die.


When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Let my love throw a spark
And have a little faith in me

When the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try baby
And have a little faith, faith in me

sweeney todd!

i've been waiting for sweeney todd to open here since nov, and its FINALLY coming to theatres 31 jan!



omg, johnny depp and helena bonham carter together in a movie directed by tim burton? arghhh! i can't wait! it's going to rock socks and melt panties.

really, genuinely, with all my heart...

<3

i had the BEST weekend!

xb and i went to carousel at the royal plaza on scotts for lunch. the food there is really just ssssshiok! and the desserts, oh my gawd! there were 3 whole tables! and rows and rows of desserts in shot glasses, and a gorgeous chocolate fountain, and damn good chocolate mousse!

wahlaoooo. haha, the food was reeeally good lah. yummies :)

we ate and ate and ate. and even though i had my camera with me, i didn't take any photos. coz the food couldn't wait to be eaten. hahaha!

then we zipped around everywhere.. i bought a purdy new bag, we went shopping for stuff that i'd need for perth, and also broke a certain record. :D it's quite funny now, thinking about it. hurr.

i've been spending money like water since saturday. i bought so many things! and im damn happy. money can buy happiness. okay temporary, superficial happiness. :P but happiness nonetheless. heh

oh and meeting up with xubin and shumin today was fantastic. :) i love!

22

it's 22 days till i leave for perth and i have no idea how to start packing. i have to go thru the large amount of crap in my room, and honestly, its a daunting task. and one that i don't look forward to. so i've been putting it off and now i realise that i eventually have to do it. soon. rah!

ohmygod. okay i shall try to start tomorrow.


today bee & i went to the arcade. zomg! haha, he'd been pestering me to go for some time -_-

it felt damn alien to walk in, but at least it wasn't too noisy or packed with fannoying sec sch kids. and, okay lah, it was quite fun. but i suck. :c and xb is actually quite good. :)


anyway. 22 days man. twenty-two. 22.

1 month to perth

love never dies a natural death. it dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. it dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. it dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

-anais nin


let's keep it happy, bright and shiny! :}


and this:


(please chk your emails!) :)

new year!

new year's eve was great. celebrated mavis' birthday at haji lane, then headed over to east coast park with xb, jon and weishan for supper/second dinner. haha! such gluttons we are.

and when it came time for the countdown, people were running around and finally yelling "happy new year!", spraying foam and shit everywhere. people were even shouting from the hdb flats across the road can? the 4 of us were just wet blankets. :P anyway, at least i got to spend new year's with friends.

and there were really strange fireworks in the sky that night. they didnt fly and explode but sort of faded in and floated around. damn strange.

anyway, then i sent xb home. to bukit batok. from east coast park to bukit batok and then back to katong. ohmygod.

it was a damn long drive lah nehneh. longer than usual. but actually, i love these drives with xb. they're relaxing and fun. :) ah, and i got my own leg massage at the end. :}

okay, then i spent the 2nd day of the new year mahjong-ing with some old church friends. its feels like 10 yrs since we all last got together. and it wont be long till geri has to go back to sydney again. :c


OKAY! plans/resolutions/hopes for 2008:

-do well in curtin (i shall be top student! yeah right.)
-adjust to life alone in perth
-get my own apartment! :)
-get off my ass and exercise more
-bee visiting in dec
-think less, do more
-goddess of baking (my ass.)
-i really do need to shoot & play around with FCP more.


anyway. here's to a new year with this boy:








and this face... usually precedes/follows xb's quote " oh my god, gwyn! are you done?!"




and lastly... TADAH! aren't my babies purrrdy? :) i want to sell cupcakes.

well, hello 2008!