5 girls

i was just stoning today and daydreaming; when i suddenly remembered a time so long ago, that i hardly think about it anymore. but it is such a happy memory that i couldn't help smiling.


a group of 5 seventh grade girls, best friends. BFFs. we were all so different, coming from all over the world. france, australia, korea, usa and singapore.

it was megan's birthday sleepover. we all had our sleeping bags, ordered pizza and coke. we played crash bandicoot till our thumbs were sore. then we just sat around gossiping and talking about the nonsense 12 year old girls talk about. boys, bitches in school, hooking up at dances, boys, starting high school, boys. and uh, boys. espcially micah-forgot-his-last-name-damn-gorgeous-green-eyes-micah. HAHAHA! okay so it sounds damn bimbotic. but, like, whatever! it so totally is not!

okay anyway. the thing that makes this one of my favourite memories, is that, we were so culturally diverse yet got along so well. from bus rides to school, to homeroom, to lunch, to after school.. everyday was spent together laughing till our sides spilt. :) and not forgetting all the shit we did and came up with.

sigh. good times.

it was 6 years ago. i still have our locket in my drawer, and all the notes and letters we ever wrote each other. it's bittersweet whenever i look through my old yearbooks.

it's amazing how far we've come. i've kind of lost contact with all of them, but i'm so glad to have known them once upon a time.

alexandra wanted to be a world famous chef.
kelly wanted to be the first woman to climb mount everest.
hye lim wanted to be a writer or journalist.
megan wanted to be a singer.
gwyn wanted to be an astronaut.


and i still remember a pact we made to meet up outside the ISB (international school of beijing) gate in October of 2010. :D

i want to be 12 again. i miss those times. :)


/edit/

look at this! i just did this career test thing on Tickle:

Gwyn, you're an Astronaut!
If you had your way, there would be no gray areas to any problem. When you live by the facts, as you do, and are challenged by a search for truth, unsolvable queries are the bane of your existence. You're a true data head. You're the super-woman the world calls when it needs to pad a case with facts, get the numbers to add up, or explore some scary, uncharted entity like tax returns or outer space. Since you're a team player and tend to believe that two minds are better than one, you can be relied upon to contribute viable solutions, and you're great to keep around the lab.

Who's like you:
Jane Goodall (famous primatologist)

Likely careers:
Astronaut, VP of technology, lab Technician, archaeologist, botanist, marine biologist


FYI, i wanted to be an archaeologist and marine biologist once upon a time too. hurhur.

my rock;

you make everything so much better.

iloveyou. thankyou.

i really dont know.

i've been staring at the blank screen with its blinking cursor for 'godknowshowlong'. i feel so stuck. at a complete loss as to what to do.

i know what i like, i know what i want. at least i thought i did. i mean i do, but can i really do it? and how? i dont know how.

its so damn hard. the lines. where are the lines? who erased them? they were never there.

its what i love. but can i really live on passion alone? is there any other way i COULD live? i dont think i would want to. i can't imagine myself doing anything else. yet i'm having a hard time actually doing it now.

so hard i want to just sit down in a corner and cry at the hopelessness of it all sometimes.

is it just the place? me? the wrong area? im trying... teach me.

i'm good enough. i know that. and i can be. i'm GOOD ENOUGH, damn it!

the future is big and bright. but its so god damned scary too.

what's happening next year? it kills me a little whenever someone askes me about uni. i dont know. i want, i wish, i hope and i pray. but what should i do? what's best?

expectations suck. especially other peoples'. i DONT KNOW okay? please. i need more time. to figure myself out. to figure my LIFE out. stop asking. when am i leaving? they care, but im freaking out. i'm sorry.

i'm sorry.

i CAN'T screw it up now. not when i've come so far; learnt so much about myself.

being alone for the past month has been great. yet it's made me think even more about the future.

what am i going to do? i feel so lonely when i think about it all. i need someone to listen, yet i know nobody will really understand. because even i dont understand it myself. there's nobody, nobody at all.

lately, my mind has been a really lonely, dark place to be.

i try everyday. sometimes its okay, but mostly.. i just want to give up. because it makes me so sad.

someone told me today, that in life.. the best we can do is to be happy. so whatever you do, do it to be happy and you'll figure out the rest soon enough.

i found a small measure of comfort in that. maybe i only see the far. maybe i should pay more attention to the near.

i need my lines. where are they? and i need a hug. really badly.


i feel like a little girl
trying to conquer the whole wide world.
all i want to do is jump into bed
and wash away my toubles with lemonade.
all I need is a good disguise,
one where nobody can recognize
that I'm feeling so small.
all I need is a secret weapon
i've gotta have faith
zapping monsters into outer space


except, i'm 20. not a little girl.

so...

what are you going to do, gwyn?

happy 20th, xb!

the soldier boy.

i discovered how fast he can actually run today.

he had to book in at 8.40pm latest. we left my place and got a cab; already running late. the stupid taxi driver wasnt sure of the way and we were freaking out already.

so when we finally reached pasir ris, at 8.42pm he just ran out. i was talking to the driver and when i turned to say goodbye.. all i saw was the taxi door swinging because he had thrown it open so violently. and he was just some dark shadow of a monkey boy running and jumping across the field.

hahaha! it was quite funny.

anyway, we had an early celebration today. he turns 20 tomorrow. :) i know you can't read this, but:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY! I LOVE YOU.


let's stop time,
make it standstill.
for you & me,
just you & me.

ilu; <3

jumbled up thoughts

2 empty frames in between makes it freaking annoying.
communication is an art, and respect is earned; asshole.
i nearly broke my washing machine.
i'm damned "perfectionist" when it comes to ironing.
'heads you live, tails you die.'
i want another goldfish.
somebody should bring krisy kremes to singapore.
planning surprises make me tingly and bouncy.
i haven't baked anything in months.
i want to edit 'the contender' too.
i can't wait for next week and shumin.
i want my own book with my own photos.
7th month is super un-ecofriendly.
xb is a fairy princess with a glitter star wand and rainbow streamers.
sleepy-eyed smiles and my hair in your face.
4am botak army boy hugs.
3 more days.


if you read all that... haha, you deserve a prize.


oh, and nora zehetner is damn cute!



she reminds me of audrey tautou. hmmmm. so pweedy.



this is damn funny:

girl: "sooo, you lied. you're not jewish. it's not circumcised."
boy: "actually, i was circumcised as a baby. but it grew back as i got older. that's how it works."


wtf. HAHAHAHA.

my soldier boy is home!

ohmygod i'm so happy!

i just had the best national day ever. :)

all's right in my little world again. :) <3



(till he has to book in on sunday.)

3 more days

i wish i could take life and photoshop it. adjust all the curves and the saturation so that it's bright and colourful again.


damn, how i miss you.

7mins a day is not enough. not even close.

it's lonely & boring here without you.



come home; wont you.